Perfect Time for a Yahtzee Cleanse


Hi Rollers, Rick here.

These cold dark nights and short brisk days got me thinkin’ ’bout the health of my fellow Yahtzee comrades. You see, we’re in the midst of the dark doldrums of winter and it can be hard on a fella’s or lady’s outlook on life. Of course the prescription for this ailment is sitting right in your chest of drawers or wherever you may keep your sacred Yahtzee game. If you find yourself feeling a little blue, allow a little red cup to lift your spirits. The best way to do this is with a good ol’ Yahtzee cleanse.

Of course, cleanses have been used to maintain well-being and bring balance back to one’s life for as long as there has been Yahtzee itself. Perhaps even longer. Cleanses generally have a spiritual bent and a Yahtzee cleanse is no different. A Yahtz’ cleanse is the perfect way to bring harmony and balance back into your life and into your rolls, aligning mind, body, spirit, and the perfect Yahtzee game.

Some traditions take the cleanse a step further and require a fast altogether, only taking in vital nutrients in the form of liquids. Others simply require you to stick to a mono-diet of healthful, nourishing foods that support your body as you eliminate nasty toxins from your body.

A Yahtzee cleanse adheres to the principles of the latter of the two methods. Only instead of a mono-diet, one is encouraged to participate in a mono-sensory experience of pure Yahtzee bliss. Now that we have covered the theory of a Yahtzee cleanse lets get into the practice, or the play if you will.

A Yahtzee cleanse can take on many forms and of course we here at the World Yahtzee Institute encourage free thought and creative expression so please create an experience that best suits you.

A particular way I like to participate in my annual cleanse starts by blocking off a full weekend devoted to nothing but Yahtzee. I like to round up as many friends as possible to partake in the experience with me. Since I’m fortunate enough to have friends that recognize and respect the power of such a cleanse, I can usually round up 3 or 4 players. If at all possible I try arrange for the guests to spend the night so we can really delve deep into the rejuvenating powers of the game.

Now it may come to a surprise to you when I recommend people bring whatever snacks they are used to enjoying during a normal game of exhilarating Yahtzee action. But I feel its important to enliven all of your love and adoration for the game so if that means indulging in a sack of Funions then by all means, make your breath as nasty as possible and bring on the high scores! Or if you have a ritual of sticking Bugles on the end of your fingers and acting like the wicked witch of the west, then ride your broom towards the Upper Section bonus! My personal fave is Cheetos. Of course I take the utmost of care not to get imitation processed cheese powder on any of the playing equipment. It can make for a thrilling roll when I clutch the cup with my palm while having 5 orange fingertips playfully swaying in the breeze!

I try to play as many games as possible, making the atmosphere conducive to a long night of 3 of a Kinds and Yahtzees. One way I do this is to always have some of my favorite band’s music on hand (typically Genesis). Proper lighting is also a top consideration. Florescent lighting has no place around my Yahtzee table. Only the finest soft white incandescent for me and my Yahtzee loving friends. Of course if a few tired souls can’t make it for the long haul of the wee hour’s games, then proper bedding is provided and the game is altered as to accommodate our sleepy sultan of sling. The Yahtzee Manifesto, being the complete work of Yahtzee that it is, has numerous game alteration strategies listed.

Morning starts with a hearty breakfast while recapping the previous night’s highlights and strategies. As always, a healthy, respectful debate over tactics is enjoyed. Gameplay resumes and continues throughout the day until the newly rejuvenated players must depart. After such a weekend I feel lighter as my spirits are lifted and the challenges that lie ahead seem all the more achievable. I’m more centered and my demeanor is as carefree as an ad for depends. 

So my dear rollers. If you find yourself feeling a little low this winter, pick yourself up with a nourishing Yahtzee cleanse. 

Bye now.

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